Letting Go of the Almost Love
There’s a particular kind of heartbreak that doesn’t come from a relationship ending—but from one that never truly began. The talking stages that fizzle. The ghosting. The endless swiping. The “almosts” that leave you more confused than heartbroken, but still grieving something that felt real.
I know that ache. I lived it with someone I’ll call John—my childhood crush, my not-quite love story. We never officially dated, but we danced around the idea for years. It was always almost. Almost something more. Almost the right time.
But the truth is, John chose other people. And when those relationships ended, he’d find his way back—just long enough to stir up hope before disappearing again. Looking back, I think I just wanted him to love me the way I loved him. I wanted to be chosen. I think he really just wanted an ego boost.
Eventually, I realized he would never choose me. Never really love me. And more importantly, I realized I didn’t need him to.
Because I love myself too much to settle for half-hearted connections with people who can’t show up fully. I saw him clearly—his chaos, his indecision, his emotional unavailability wrapped in just enough charm to keep me wondering—and I still offered him my heart. But he didn’t want it.
These “almosts” are their own kind of pain. They rarely end with clear boundaries or goodbyes. But healing is still possible. And part of healing is learning that someone else’s inability to love you has nothing to do with your worth. Their choices are about them, not you.
If I’m honest, I’m not even sure John liked me as a person. I don’t know why he kept coming back. He would say it was the physical chemistry. I’d like to think it was because I accepted him—fully, flaws and all—even when he didn’t seem to like or accept himself.
I saw him—the real, brilliant, funny, and incredibly creative him—even when he was a mess. I offered understanding when he couldn’t offer stability. Maybe that comfort drew him in, even if he never intended to stay. Being in love with someone who is only in lust with you is its own kind of heartbreak.
In the end, he wasn’t very kind to me—especially during a time when I was likely one of the few people showing him genuine care. His decision to push me away probably stems from something deeper, maybe a strong tendency toward emotional avoidance rooted in fear. I truly hope he learns to let love in one day instead of running from it—but that’s no longer my responsibility. I understand now that it never was.
I’ve made peace with all of it. I’m no longer clinging to unanswered questions. I genuinely wish him well and hope he finds whatever it is he’s been searching for.
See you on the flip side,
LC
Vibe with Me LC 