Dance Vibes

“That’s Just How I Am” – Honest, But Is It Healthy?

You’ve probably said it before, or at least thought it: “That’s just how I am.” Maybe it felt like an honest declaration, a way of owning your quirks or habits. But here’s the hard truth: while honesty matters, using that phrase as a shield can quietly harm your relationships.

Every relationship—romantic, friendship, family, even professional—is a dance. Two people moving together, finding rhythm, adjusting steps. Now imagine one partner saying, “This is just how I move. You’ll have to figure out how to keep up.” That dance quickly becomes frustrating. The other person can trip, shrink themselves to fit your steps, or eventually leave the dance floor altogether. None of those outcomes are the connection you truly want.

When you refuse to grow, here’s what can happen:

• You settle into shallow or one-sided relationships where your needs come first, but true closeness never develops.
• You push away people who value mutual respect, leaving you lonely even while insisting you’re “just being yourself.”
• You build resentment in others, even if they don’t say it out loud, until it eventually erupts or drifts the relationship apart.
• You miss the chance to experience the richness of relationships that challenge and transform you.

Growth doesn’t erase your identity—it expands it. It means asking, “How do my words, habits, or reactions affect the people I care about? And am I willing to soften some edges so that love, friendship, and respect can actually thrive?”

It takes courage to look at yourself honestly and admit that your default settings aren’t always the healthiest. But courage is what opens the door to deeper, more fulfilling connections.

Be selfish only if you want to end up alone. But if what you want is closeness, belonging, and relationships that nourish you—be willing to adjust your steps. The dance becomes a whole lot more beautiful when both people are moving together.

Here’s to the courage to change—one step at a time.
–LC