Existential Vibes

“How are you?”

Such a simple question. Such a loaded one.

Because do you want the real answer? Or the socially acceptable one? The polished “I’m good!” followed by me asking how you are in return while we both participate in a ritual neither of us fully means.

I’ve never been particularly good at small talk. I can do it, sure. But it often feels like verbal wallpaper. Filler. A performance people unconsciously agree to participate in so no one has to admit that being human is actually kind of strange and difficult sometimes.

And the truth is, my energy has been off for a while.

Not because anything is catastrophically wrong. Ironically, many things in my life are objectively right. Which almost makes the existential angst more confusing. Like how can someone be simultaneously grateful and unsettled? Peaceful and searching? Fulfilled and questioning the entire nature of existence before bed?

Existential philosophy has honestly always fascinated me. Camus once wrote about “the absurd,” the tension between humanity’s search for meaning and the universe’s silence in response. Maybe that’s why his work resonates with so many people who think deeply.

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”

— Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus

I don’t think my energy being off is unique right now. I think a lot of people who are emotionally awake and aware can feel something heavy in the collective energy at a macro level. There’s a strange undercurrent to modern life lately. Constant stimulation, disconnection, uncertainty, performance, noise. It’s hard not to absorb some of that when you move through the world with sensitivity and awareness.

I think some of us are just wired to think deeply. To observe. To analyze. To feel the weight and beauty of life at the same time.

It can feel lonely sometimes, swimming in the deep end while everyone else splashes around in the shallows, seemingly untouched by the hidden depths beneath the surface of reality.

That’s part of why I love reading other people’s blogs. Real writing still exists out there beneath the algorithmic sludge and brain rot. Thoughtful people quietly turning their inner worlds into art, philosophy, poetry, and reflection. It gives me hope honestly. Proof that not everyone has surrendered their attention span or their humanity.

Maybe that’s why I keep writing.

To remind myself there are still people out there thinking deeply in the dark alongside me.

-LC