The Holistic Psychologist posted a video today where she described arrested development as a brain injury. The idea being that when someone’s emotional development is disrupted early in life, parts of the brain and nervous system responsible for emotional regulation, introspection, and self-awareness don’t fully develop in the way they otherwise might have.
So you may think you’re interacting with a 30, 40, or 50-year-old adult… but emotionally, in moments of activation, you may actually be encountering a child frozen in time at the age they stopped getting certain needs met.
And honestly? That framework explains so much about human behavior.
Because when people become triggered, they often regress. Their nervous system defaults back to the age where the wound originally formed. Suddenly there’s little emotional regulation, difficulty with accountability, black-and-white thinking, shutting down, defensiveness, avoidance, emotional outbursts, etc.
This is also where parts work and Internal Family Systems (IFS) become really interesting to me. The idea behind IFS is that we all have different “parts” of ourselves that formed throughout our lives. Some parts protect us. Some carry pain. Some are frozen in younger developmental stages.
So when someone is triggered, it may not fully be their grounded adult self responding. A younger wounded part may be taking over.
I know for me personally, I can be incredibly regulated, reflective, and emotionally mature in most areas of life. At work? My adult self is absolutely present and in charge. But in certain romantic dynamics where deeper vulnerabilities get activated, I can suddenly feel 16 again. And that makes sense. The adolescent part of me that was hurt during that period of my life is the part that gets triggered when something emotionally reminiscent happens in the present.
I actually find this perspective hopeful.
Because of neuroplasticity, the brain can change. We can form new neural pathways. We can learn emotional regulation. We can strengthen our adult self so that even when younger wounded parts surface, they no longer completely take over.
And I think that’s important because sometimes labeling people as simply “emotionally immature” misses the deeper reality. Often, they are regressing to the age where emotional development and safety were interrupted.
That doesn’t excuse harmful behavior. But it does explain why healing requires so much more than simply telling someone to “grow up.”
With compassion for the parts still learning,
LC
Younger me was always beautiful, though she could never quite see herself clearly. She searched for validation in all the wrong places and often mistook inconsistency, intensity, and emotional chaos for love. Her taste in men reflected the way she viewed herself at the time; accepting far less than she deserved while hoping to be chosen anyway. 💔
Beneath the surface was someone deeply sensitive with very little sense of self-worth, reacting emotionally to toxic relationship dynamics that constantly kept her nervous system on edge. She wasn’t “too much.” She was wounded, emotionally dysregulated, and searching for love in people who only deepened the instability she was already carrying inside. ✨
And while that younger part of me still exists and can absolutely be triggered in certain moments, my adult self knows better now. She no longer confuses chaos with connection or inconsistency with love. Somewhere along the way, I discovered self-worth; not the performative kind rooted in validation from others, but the quiet kind that changes what you tolerate, what you chase, and what you finally learn to walk away from. ❤️
Vibe with Me LC 